20things : odd farewells

1. So I've gotten emotional over this whole house / history / house story aspect of moving. 
2. I have a lot of narrative that took place here; it makes me unexpectedly emotional.
3. And a lot of stuff I've been dragging around since before I lived in Ohio, which takes the narrative back further into the past.
4. I sort of cried a little when I separated out the majority of my carefully curated collection of costume and handmade necklaces vs. the ones I could still wear with the arthritis in my neck.
5. I donated almost all my cds and over half of my books.
6. Probably about nine bags of clothes and random baroque costumery, also gone.
7. My cassette collection (laugh and I'll cut you) went into the trash.
8. Juno and Ravi's medical records --trash.
9. But then I got emotional about something that surprised the hell out of me.
10. I said goodbye to my makeup. (I don't really wear 90% of anymore. Well, aside from a few basic items and nail polish in summer).
11. And not just "bye bye makeup" {trash}
12. No, I said goodbye to items as individuals.
13. Cranberry colored lipstick : you were a couple of really good office temp jobs."
[INTERRUPTION as I am writing this] : Luna, stop shredding that box.
14. Kohl eyeliner : My favorite eye pencil! You went to a lot of clubs and fancy dinners.
15. Liquid liner: I never really got you. You were always good for drawing on other parts of my body than my eyelids.
Luna, we actually paid someone to bring us that box, stop using it as a scratching post.
16. Raisin colored lipstick : Thanks for the help when I had to retake my photo ID when I moved back to PA. Everybody comments on the good picture.
17. Blue lipstick : You were years of clubbing, and a matching blue wig. Your wig-friend has already gone.
18. Roll-on glitter : That raver thing was more than a phase. Or else it was a very long phase.
Luna, I swear to GOD. {I finally just hoist the cat from her site of bad behavior and into the dining room.}
19. China-blue nail polish : I got inspired to get you after Ava and I had our first pedi together. It was the second time I'd ever had a pedicure, the first being my wedding.
20. I don't think I realized how symbolic and laden stuff has gotten for me. Like, individual items all have a story, and I'm remembering that story as I'm sorting them into donate, trash, and (the rather smaller) keep pile.

That is all.
Still not eating great, but I had a sandwich yesterday and nothing bad happened.
Luna is now back on top of the Forbidden Box, gleefully attempting to maul the tape with her teeth and claws.

Seriously reduced jewelry collection. If you are interested in knowing about / examining any part of the rest, please comment or send me fb mail.

How many bottles of nail polish can one like, legitimately have before it gets to be, arguably, too many bottles of nail polish?

Jewelry for shop opening almost all done!

... and here it is. As I upload these pix I am *so* reminded that a) there is ambient cat hair in my house and I don't think it will ever all be vacuumed up and b) I really need to get better quality photos for the shop opening. I've been checking out what some other people have done to shoot their jewelry and their shots are inspiring. It's difficult to shoot jewelry, I've found, because almost all surfaces reflect the light and so the pictures get (technical term here)... weird. But here's the crappy shots to give you a preview.

I've been playing around with wire-wraps and having fun with earrings, still. But finally I did produce two necklaces. One will be shown here, and I gotta get the other one out of its little storage place. I thought I'd shot / blogged it already. Here's necklace #2.

I think this one measures about 16" and the charm maybe 2.5". That reminds me I also have to get size and weight specs for all of these. I wonder if I should buy a digital scale for better accuracy. I have one of the plastic variety right now, like the kind dieters use to measure portions, and it feels... approximate.

So I've officially made enough product to open ... the shop, which has a name, but it will be a surprise. Now I need to get to work with the good camera.

Sometimes you just have to make a list

I dislike Easter. This may be socially unacceptable. But I do. Something bad to me happened on / around Easter a lot of years ago. Also, I would not call myself "Christian." So today is just sort of meh for me. Mike suggested buying plastic eggs, putting catnip in the eggs, hiding the eggs around the house and seeing if the cats could hunt the eggs by smell. But we didn't do that. Funny idea though.

Blargh. So I have the Yesterday Was Awesome But What Has Today Done For Me Lately Syndrome. I think it's congenital. I don't mean to be this way; it just happens. I live in the uncertain future.

A. told me I had to make a list of at least one accomplishment per day, even if it was "take shower," if "take shower" was all I could manage that day. I thought that was a valid strategy. I swore I would show the list to no one, buuuuut in stead I'm letting you see an excerpt. Just in case any of yinz have that "living for the future" thing that makes you feel not so good. Yep, this is gonna be out there for the whole Intarwebz to see. But don't worry it's not like I tortured puppies or went to see the lady-parts doctor or anything.

4/1 Went to Barb's art opening.
4/2 Did journal submission. Blogged Barb's art show. Made / blogged more jewelry for shop.
4/3 Renegotiated project with M. Survived Cloud Nothings concert. Saw Daniella reading awesome!
4/4 Made necklace for shop. Went to yoga.
4/5 Started poetry cards. Rec'v email : publication by Prick of the Spindle!
4/6 Finished poetry cards. Did 2 loads laundry.
4/7 Bought dress for reading. Did reading. Met new ppl & reconnected with frenz tho was anxious about the mingling. Sold some books and collages.

Making jewelry keeps me from going over the deep edge sometimes. Actually at 2 x 4 last night I had three people ask me about the jewelry and only one of them was someone I knew already. Thanks for reading, blogosphere. Or however these things get around.

What will go down for today? Probably "take shower." AND, I'm writing a poem about Chocolate Zombie Bunny, this confection in our kitchen that I've been eyeing for weeks. My husband bought it from ThinkGeek and is taking into work as part of an Easter basket. Knowing that CZB will be going away tomorrow, I've been carrying him around all day today. Sorry Mike. I promise I'll put him back.

More jewelry for shop

So I've decided I need nine items before I officially pursue the etsy store. I have six now. Here are some update pics.

You may remember this one... I decided I did want a partner with it.

I just can't get enough of using these gear-shaped lock washers.

Still employing asymmetry, but toned down a bit...

This is a Bajoran ear-cuff style earring that uses only a single piercing at the bottom (like a "normal" ear pierce) and an ear cuff at the top. This one looked so cute on that I almost wanted to keep it for myself. This is the first pair of this style earrings I've been able to make for the shop though. The Bajoran earring is made for the right ear, but could easily be made for the left instead. And it has a simpler mate.

Finally something more toned down... I love these shades of blue.

And that brings us to a grand total of six items. I feel like the other three should be necklaces but I've been on an earring jag lately. I have all these charms though, either that I've made or bought. The other night I went through my old Shimmering Things stock and cut apart almost all of it to reclaim beads. Lots of charms from there too, that won't make good earrings unless I cut the charms apart, but they would look cute hanging off a necklace.

Earrings for the shop

So I made some more earrings this morning to go into the (still nonexistent) etsy shop. I want to have nine items before creating the shop. My aesthetic for this new shop is focusing on asymmetrical pieces and mixing of textures (specifically metallic and natural).

First pair:

I actually made these over the weekend but cut and filed the ends this morning. Thanks for the jewelry files mom!

Second earring:

I really like the way this one turned out. I can't decide if I make it a plain and simple partner or if it gets sold by itself. Feel free to weigh in on this. The bone got overexposed cos I was taking this with my cell. I'll photograph these again when it gets closer to the time of needing better photos. I might also need ear models.

And here is one I made for myself. It's for me instead of the shop because I'm not happy enough with how the wirework turned out. It was my second attempt at a wire earcuff. When it didn't work out; I went hammer smash smash! Actually more like tappy-tap. And flattened it. And recycled it into a charm.

Here's a detail of the two charms on the end. Also, I finally figured out that I can use bails (top left corner) as earcuffs! I don't know why this didn't occur to me before. Probably because I don't regularly use bails in my jewelry. The bail/earcuff has a cute tribal design on it, which I didn't take a picture of. It came that way.

PS: I finally did make a wire-wrap earcuff this morning. It's cute but not pretty. It stays on my head. The End.

Crafternation

So I went back to the craft store today (only took 3 hrs 10 mins round trip as opposed to... whatever it was the other day) to exchange $6 worth of merch. Yes, I know. But. I didn't need the stuff, and I got better stuff, plus $0.43 back. That's 1/4 of an Americano.

And then I went to the hardware store, which is like a bigger version of the craft store. And I got some of these:

And some of these...

And I intend to have my way with them when I get upstairs, but sadly may need lunch and / or nap first.

{sigh} I miss the hardware stores like the one I used to work at, more like mom n' pop establishments and less big-box-extravaganza. I thought at least I was more likely to be anonymous, and that would be a good thing, but wouldn't you know it, some dude asked me if I needed help. However, I will point out (so you guys don't think I'm a total misanthrope) he was nice and our interaction was fortuitous. I wouldn't have found the Specialty Washers drawer for awhile. But I know the aisle and rough location now, and the delights that await within.

a drop in temperature leads to

me not wanting to go outside today, even though it looks sunny. So:

This morning started off with an acquaintance telling me about a situation. This person is a guardian for two special-needs teens. The teens were molested repeatedly by a family member when they were growing up. The perpetrator was convicted and served his legal punishment for it, but now that he is out, he is being all stalky and intimidating to these teens. I am not mentioning any names/details here on purpose. If you know more about this situation, please keep it to yourself and not comment on the blog or fb. The only reason I bring it up is, my productivity was kinda trashed there for awhile. Listening to my friend go on about this story of violence reminded me of a time in my life when I was young and there was violence and what would happen to me if I told, etc. I sorta had a big ol' ptsd panic attack there. Every time my acquaintance updates me about this situation, I want to tell them, can we not talk about it? because it makes me freak out. But I want to be supportive. This conversation led into a longer one about victims' rights, how they have fewer rights than the prosecuted, then the Treyvon Martin case --for which I think there's a rally at CMU today... and I just ... didn't want to go there.

I read a cool article about meditating and almost did it but then did not. My mind was too stormy and I was alone... it was maybe a bad time to "go inward." So I answered 10,000 (approx) emails --this is what happens when you don't check your email over the weekend I guess. Then I went on YouTube and watched some jewelry tutorials that I had intended to get to. One video led to another and there I was for two hours watching videos. The last one(s) were of these pendants made out of watercolor paper --so amazingly gorgeous that i started to think how / why would anyone ever buy MY stuff on etsy this guy has an art degree from Pratt... and the self-esteem started to go into decline-mode.

After two potential knocks to my productivity I decided it was time for a shower. It must have helped because after the shower I submitted to Sixth Finch, which was a good idea I had been sitting on. Then I sent out a bunch of withdrawal notices.

Sending out w/d's is a good thing --it means acceptance. But I have this paranoia that when I send out the w/d, the editor is going to be like, "Okay, you really want me to go through my 4,096 submissions to find your ONE poem that you withdrew and keep looking at your other stuff? No thank you." And then they'll hit the REJECT button.

Mike points out that 1) The journal assumed the burden when they said sim subs are okay 2) The editors are probably writers too, who also sim sub, and thus they will be empathetic and 3) Sending a w/d makes you look Wanted, like "you waited too long to ask me to the prom; sorry."

I'm not sure I believe his relentless optimism. But I am glad it is there. In my life. Close to me.

The Saga of the Bajoran Earring, pt. 4

So at last, here's the pic of me with the earring on. I'm pretty happy with how it turned out. The clip-on finding does not look too bulky to me, although I might place the top charm a little below it next time so it doesn't look so overshadowed. I wore it to Writing Renaissance today and didn't feel that uncomfortable pinchy feeling I was apprehensive about.

Also, Writing Renaissance was fab. It's great to get hugs from so many people you care about and haven't seen in like forever. Also, I got applause, actual applause, for a writing exercise. I mean, the prose-poemlet I wrote in response to it, called "Ataxia." That made me happy. We did three exercises. Molly Bain facilitated. She was fantastic.

Also-also, speaking of fabulous poets, Katie Pierce, a woman I went to grad school with, is on Poetry Daily today. Laaa!!!!

The Saga of the Bajoran Earrings, pt. 3

So I spent all day getting those earring parts, and spending more money than I thought I would ($50 instead of $25), partly because I wanted to get different findings and see what worked best, and secondly because I saw some stuff at the end that I just "had" to have and it oops! jumped in the cart. Ear cuff findings were nonexistent at the craft store, and this is a big craft store. You can order them online, individually, from Fire Mountain Gems though, and I've seen them on other sites for less money but with a minimum order of $25 and a not-as-good user interface. So I decided that clip-on findings were the next best thing. I also found some toe rings in my jewelry box that I may adopt... and also-also, I just wanna get my cartilage re-pierced so that I don't have to put a clip-on or cuff up there --I can just use a stud.

Here's the Process

Step 1:

Here you see the main components: 20 ga. craft wire, 2 lengths of silver-plated chain (I would estimate it's about 3 or 4mm chain), a filigree clip-on earring finding, 2 lever-back earring hooks, 6 jump rings (though I miscounted and ended up needing 7) and the elements of my charms: a hexagonal spacer bead and a hematite cube.

Step 2:

First I made the charms which were to go on each segment of the earring. This is the left ear again,  so the longest charm will go closest to my chin and the "cuff" will go up on my cartilage.

Step 3:

Here I've built the charms and connected them to the findings, so you can see the earring starting to take shape. My last step is to connect all three segments with the chain so it becomes one big earring that goes all the way up my ear.

Step 4:

And here it is! One big earring. I had to cut the second piece of chain (on your left) down because, although I do want a bulky "hardware" feel, I didn't want that chain between my two lower piercings to get caught up in the two charms.

When I wake up I'll have Mike take a pic of me with the earring on... moment of truth! I am worried that the filigree clip-on will be a bit bulky looking next to the charm which looks more delicate, but we'll see. I thought I would be done in an hour. I started at 5:28 and finished at 6:07. Yes, I woke up very early to do this because I was just too beat yesterday after getting home to put the earring together. Because of public transit, rush hour, etc. it took me 4 1/2 hours to complete my journey. I thought it would only take 3. I'm just happy I got it done because I want to wear it to Writing Renaissance this morning... which starts in three hours. Wonder if I'll get a nap between?

I also have to give major props to these craftspeople at Chainmail & More or I would have never thought to do an earring that utilizes that double-lower-lobe-pierce I got in the 80s cos everyone was doing it.

If you like this tutorial or the jewelry, please leave a comment on my blog or on the Facebook link.

The Saga of the Bajoran Earrings, pt. 2

Making this type of earring with an ear cuff blank would be super-easier than doing a wire-wrap ear cuff, although less beautiful. This afternoon, I need to head out and get some more bead wire so I will see if they have any ear cuff blanks at the craft store. From my online research, I've seen ear cuff blanks at $6-10 each, which kind of expensive. So I really want to be able to make the wire wrap cuffs. I did some searching for tutorials. 

Wire wraps are not my greatest skill; however I've been wanting to improve. For Christmas this past year I asked my mom to get me these metal "needle" files of various shapes and diameters that are good to work with wire wraps. You can do the actual wrap on the end of the needle. And then you can file down the tiny edges with the filing part.. I had previously been using the end of a pair of chain nose pliers, and filing with a cheap emory board which is kind of a pain.

So here's a picture of my first wire wrap cuff, done using this tutorial. Either this author's first language was not English, or they didn't proofread before they saved the tutorial, because there are certain key words missing. Like prepositions. Words that describe objection relations --with, around, under, through --very important to include! Anyway, I sort of guessed what was going on and I attribute the shoddiness of this work to the fact that it was my first attempt, not their spotty directions.

The little part that's shaped like a U is the part that bends around the back of the ear. Here's another shot so you can see the U-part better.

Finally --okay,  my font and alignment have changed after I added the second photo, WTF blogger? Anyway, there it is. You can see it's not entirely symmetrical. Oops. Finally, here is a shot that shows the cuff actually on my ear. Unlike the proper Bajoran earrings, which are supposed to be worn on the right, mine will be worn on the left. I have an asymmetrical haircut. It's kind of like a pixie on the left and a chin-length bob on the right. So if I'm going to be showing off fancy earrings, the naked ear is a better choice :) 

Whoa, font and alignment have reverted back to the original. Yeah! Am I gonna bother to fix the middle one? No. Cos I'm impatient, that's why. As you can see, the cuff is pretty far down on my lobe. The bottom scroll is where I would be attaching the jump ring / chain to connect the earring that goes to the actual pierced part of my ear. IMO, that cuff should be up way further. What happened was that I got the proportions wrong. The scrolls are too wide and the U is too short to properly wrap around the back of my ear. And I have tiny lobes. 

If you want to imagine something semi-humorous, remember that I have no peripheral vision. Imagine me trying to get this stupid shot of the cuff on my ear w/o being able to see where the camera is in relation to my head. It took about seven tries. Stina, if you are reading this, this moment of disability humor is for you. 

Annnnyway, back to the beading board. 

Urgh. Except this is about the moment where my fibro says... you need a break. Don't you feel sleepy? You could just clooooose your eyes for a few minutes.

[Btw, I persist including all these details about the vision and the fibro because I want you to know what my life is genuinely like. That's part of the mission of this blog, I have determined. So if you're sick of reading fibro fibro fibro every other post... too bad.]

So I may go upstairs and try to do another wire cuff, or I may have a nap and go to the craft store instead. The sad thing is, that cuff only took me about 5-10 minutes. Then about fifteen to take pix and blog it, and I'm tired already. Fuck.

The Saga of the Bajoran Earrings, pt. 1

Mike and I are re-watching alllll of Star Trek on hulu. Right now we are almost at the end of TNG. Last night there were some episodes featuring one of my favorite minor characters Ensign (then briefly Lieutenant) Ro. For some reason it struck me last night --I don't know why it didn't occur to me before --I really love the Bajoran earrings.

Hence, to the internet. My first thought was to buy one. I looked at this one but eventually bought this one. As I was looking around at all the beautiful creations, especially on Etsy, it occurred to me that I could make these myself.

One of the great things about my life at the moment is, if I want to dedicate an entire Friday to learning how to make Bajoran earrings, I CAN DO SO. So this is part one of the Saga of the Bajoran Earrings. I'll post more throughout the day for those of you who want to follow along with my jewelry nerdery. 

Vegas Postponed

So my husband and I postponed our Vegas trip after he had another, worse, gall bladder attack than the one on Friday. This one had the pain plus nausea, fever, and the shakes. We worry because he is prone to infections. Also, he would have just been miserable trying to be careful in Vegas. The whole point of a trip like that is the hedonism of it all. I'm sad we couldn't go, but a vacation when you or a loved one is sick is often not a vacation at all.

I channeled my Vegas disappointment by getting up early this morning and doing some work in the studio. Made a new prototype for the kind of necklace I'll be focusing on as the first product to be offered on my (as yet to be gotten) Etsy store. It's drying right now. I painted some pendants. I organized all the drawers in the main bead box --it's like one of those Craftsman tool boxes only plastic, not metal. I re-wrote some worn labels, shuffled some wrongly filed beads into place ('pearls' have a whole separate bead box now), and generally cleaned up the work table area.

Surprisingly, all three cats were in the studio at the same time and yet none of them bothered me. Luna and Ravi, at least, are usually up in my stuff. Shiny? Small parts? Pointy? Breakable? Toxic? It's their favorite. But Ravi was in the carpeted window seat having a snooze, Luna was sitting on the back of the brown armchair looking out the window, and Rus was sprawled on top of one of the giant Rubbermaid crates that hold my off-season clothes. So cozy. I wonder if we will have a day like that again soon.

Mike is watching the second Lord of the Rings movie on Blu-Ray. Crispy-clear! Ugh, that movie is sooooo boring. Orc hunting. Now they're walking. More orcs. Etc. I think it picks up at the end but I'm usually so dead that I never remember the end. I wonder how many times he's seen the trilogy. I know this version is a special extra-un-un-cut, 16 hours of special footage one.

Flashback to 2005

I had just graduated from an MFA program ready to take on the world and all that idealistic BS... and then my mentor passed away, and then I couldn't find a job right away and then I was just ... stuck. So I'd decided to try to start a jewelry business.

I built a website and attended these free classes at Pitt for women who wanted to start their own businesses. I sold some stuff to consignment stores and some stuff at flea markets and got a lot of orders from relatives who wanted gifts for their other relatives at holidays (and also a lot of "hey can you make ME a holiday gift... which was flattering). But it wasn't profitable. And I'd applied to one arts festival and was rejected. I don't think it was because of the quality... I just didn't fit the profile. This particular festival, which I love going to whenever it comes around, is all about the ironic reappropriation of the traditional female stereotypes so, you know: pot holders with guns on them. Onesies that made your newborn babe look like an adorable zombie. Also, a lot of upcycling: typewriter keys, scrabble and mahjong tiles, etc. And lastly, something that is beloved to me but as of now beyond my purview: the elaborately delicate steampunk creations that I can neither afford to buy, nor create.

In the meantime, when I wasn't doing that, I was submitting to journals like crazy. I found my old submissions tracking chart and it brought back some nostalgia for me. I remember how long everything took. How much work it was, and how much uncertainty. Eventually the success came, but it took awhile.

So, flash forward to 2012. The waiting, the uncertainty, of the submission process, is crushing me. I just see the uphill climb without a glimmer of the success. Yet. I hope it's yet. And not never. I keep succumbing to days of crushing depression. Spending too much time in bed crying. I know I'm putting this out there on a public blog, and if it makes me look like a loser then fuck it. This is what's happening. I remember when I was an undergrad we bore our rejections like badges of honor. Taped them to the wall. It was a defense mechanism that worked, at that time. That person isn't me any more. For example, my community of writers is much smaller, more sporadic, and we're all older. Each rejection feels like a little sting. Sometimes the stings add up.

So what am I driving at here? Well, I'd like to adjust my expectations a bit and try to start making jewelry again... "professionally." I have arthritis in my neck, which prevents me from wearing many of my old creations that I'd made for ME, and also many of my vintage finds that I was once so proud of. This time, I think I'm gonna focus on making lightweight jewelry... maybe with some varnished paper / collage elements. My favorite necklace that I made Back Then that I can still wear, has these type of components.

I need another thing to strive for that breaks up the waiting. This I could do out of my house. If I had a bad fibro day, I could do less instead of more. And now there's Etsy. This time, breaking even would be okay. I don't care if there's 5,000 other jewelry designers. I just want to throw something up there and see what happens.