Halloween is a good distraction. We are throwing a party but I'm really out of the game AFA party-throwing. I think Steph made a facebook event or something but I don't know how to find it or invite people. Pumpkin carving. Mulled cider. Candy. Send me email.
Tasks with too many steps overwhelm me.
Sorry that I'm being really self-absorbed right now. I probably have not visited your Facebook / blog as often as you have visited mine.
Thank you for the sympathy cards, messages, and sweet friend-stuff you've sent. If you didn't send, don't worry about it. The sympathy cards are a double-edged... thing-with-edges.
I keep going out to do stuff and then getting some of the stuff accomplished and then having anxiety attacks which necessitate my return home by slow painful bus ride.
It's worse at night. Meaning, events scheduled in the evening are still too hard for some reason.
Evenings are hard period.
Jenn is helping with many offers of low-key of visitation. Meaning I get to go to her house and do nothing and it's during the day so I don't freak out so much. And she keeps offering so I don't forget to come over. Or sometimes it's lunch. Which also has structural parts. Order. Eat. Talk. Eat more.
I've mostly had anger and anxiety, but the sadness is starting.
I've been working out more to try and maintain my good weight despite an overlove, right now, of sweetness. I'm talking about eating nutella out of the jar. I wish I hadn't bought that. If anyone has ideas for better indulgences, please message or comment. Carrot sticks and apples do not count.
I think I will invent and diagram the dodecahedronal stages of grief.
It's the edges one needs to be wary of, not so much the planes.
No comments:
Post a Comment