… that I like to call “Good Day, Bad Day, Worse Day.”
GOOD DAY: [internal monologue] I am comfortable with myself. My writing is worthy. I understand the timeline for the project I have undertaken. I am content waiting for my efforts to pan out. I feel successful. My trajectory as a human being is on track. I have overcome a lot. I feel part of a community of people who I like/love and who like/love me back.
BAD DAY: [internal monologue] I feel completely alone and adrift. My writing sucks and I’m delusional to think otherwise. I wish I had a mentor —someone who believes in my project and has the knowledge and time to help me out of This Brain Mess. The hours are crawling by. The years are flying. I’ll never get where I want to be. By my nature I am unable to enjoy my accomplishments. Being a poet is beyond quixotic. I’m so doomed.
WORSE DAY: [internal monologue] If I believed in a God who cared about individual humans and their destinies, I would be asking the question, “Why did God put me on this earth anyway?” But I don’t believe in that. So I can’t ask that question. Fuck. My dislike of strangers is fierce and overwhelming. I wear my headphones on the bus so I won’t slap you.
Every other day is a good day. The days that aren’t good are bad. Sometimes the bad day/worse day cycles back and forth in one 24-hour period. I do not seem to have neutral days. The End.
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