Hrm, I just realized that it is not in my nature to, as many shrinks, psych professionals, counselors, and "life coaches" suggest, to set small reachable goals.
Instead, I set goals that are way too lofty and then inevitably end up falling short of them. However, I try my best to meet the lofty goal, so I still end up accomplishing something.
For example, my goal at the beginning of this semester was 1 journal sub per day and 1 contest sub per week. I found out rather quickly that 1 contest sub per week was unrealistic. Good contests do not come around regularly; rather, they come in chunks. The 1 journal sub per weekday is still a good goal, but I have still fallen short of it. I think the whole feeling of:
1) Gee, I'm sending my stuff into a black hole here
2) Time dilation because this IS my project right now and so not a lot of distraction from it
3) Rejection with no feedback --how close did I come anyway? Did I pick something that was almost but not quite the right fit? Did I miss by a mile? Should I quit my life's work and go back to processing life insurance claims?
leads me into an unhealthy well of self-doubt. I've had four rejections so far since 1/5. My friend Joan (chapbook + 1 full length collection + sending second full-length around) says that she expects 5-10 rejections per acceptance.
I really need to get off myself. I mean: I have been published before. There also exists the chapbook, though I noted yesterday that chapbooks don't rate highly enough with [an institution that shall remain nameless] to qualify as "a list of our alumni's creative accomplishments." This is one of the reasons that I am not sure the posturing and B.S. of academia is something that I want to deal with long-term. Then again, in my experience, there's posturing and B.S. in any competitive job, and if your job isn't competitive, then you have to deal with your boss's posturing and B.S.
What is my damage?
I think the "no feedback" issue is a pretty legit complaint to have about the world. It's hard to get better at something if you don't get any comments on it. Hence the need for high-quality, honest workshops so you can get feedback through other channels.
ReplyDeleteI wonder if you could run a virtual workshop online or something to broaden your reach?
So I have 1.5 workshops that I'm in right now, but they're moving too slowly for the mass I'm accumulating. I have two simultaneous thoughts. 1) I need someone who is a level up from where I am, experience-wise, to go through these poems and give some honest feedback --some direction. 2) a virtual workshop is an interesting concept, because, with enough dedicated people, it might move faster. But I want people in it who are really astute critics. That kind of sounds pissy and elitist, I guess.
ReplyDelete